So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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