and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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