So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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