Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
