what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
