he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
