There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
