Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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