If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Randomize
