nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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