i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
