You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
