I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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