3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
God, I missed his penis.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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