She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
