I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
