I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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