Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
