So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
