So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
