You're completely useless in the revolution.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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