Will you blow on my dice?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
