was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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