Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
