Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
