woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
