Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
