Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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