is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
