Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and she was petting her beer can
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
