My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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