I want to walk on stilts...naked
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
