yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
