There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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