i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
