There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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