..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
