fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
