The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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