so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
