I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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