Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
time to smoke my breakfast
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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