my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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