Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
