Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
