i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
