i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
