Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
should my penis look like a turkey
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
