Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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