I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
