just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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