i will never coherently bang her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
