And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
