Swine flu. Run for my life!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
