everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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