My sheets look like a crime scene.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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