My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
