if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
