hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
