So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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