How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
