Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
